Autism | Religion | Editorial | Diary | Advice
16 August 2022

Diary 2021 11 12 – Episode 197, The ignored rant!

DiaryDIary 2021
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Episode 197

My name is bill gibbons this is not going to be the update that I was hoping to make

No one seems to appreciate what sort of [ __ ] I have to go through

On a daily basis for most of my life I’ve been treated like a second class being I am pushed aside ignored not spoken to when I was a kid not played with or anything and as an adult you know I am just the forgotten person

I’m fed up of it

I am giving up on people they let me down

They are uncommunicative liars and have no regards for my feelings

Merlin my best friend on this planet he’s loyal faithful loving considerate and he listens to me didn’t you mate my little man

Along with the other two Caspie and tapped tabs just down here and caspie’s on the sofa I’m not sure you can see caspie just poking through maybe that side he’s just behind me anyway

I am fed up fed up of going week to week with nothing to look forward to

I get to Friday night and

I have no plans for the weekend again

It’s almost as though people don’t want me to have anything to look forward to

I am fed up of this 54 years of [ __ ] I had and all I get is love and affection from my three cats

If I want someone to talk to I talk to me boys they will always listen to me they will always be with me they have been the most loyal

Animals that I have known including humans

I really don’t understand humans at all I am not a nasty person I don’t lie

I do my best to help other people what’s it for what’s the point I mean honestly what is the point


To have something to look forward to would be nice

Instead of everything with me being left to the last minute

People I believe are waiting for me to kill myself

So I can get out the way because I’m a [ __ ] nuisance

I spoke to the council this afternoon Nabeal Malik allegedly the places officer for this estate allegedly all he wanted to do was tell me that he wouldn’t be contacting me it would be my single point of contact even though I kept trying to tell him he has a duty of care a personal duty of care as a public servant using the whistle-blower policy

To ensure that any instructions he complies with are lawfully and correctly totally fulfilled

Otherwise if he carries out actions without thinking then he accepts the responsibility of those actions and he agrees with the determination of other people

This is why my life is [ _ ] because there’s too many [ _ ] out there that want to be part of a Nazi state and won’t speak up for themselves or put their head above the parapet or listen to disabled people

I really don’t know what I’m going to do now

I even started speaking to my friend in Stratford today tonight he called me showed me around her decorations which would look nice

He’s only going off to play with I’ll have some biscuits

And then she received a phone call halfway well right at the start of a conversation and as always happens with me you know the phone call takes priority over me and then I don’t get a call back that is all the time with me

I can’t have a decent conversation with anyone because I never know how long I’m going to be on the phone for some people don’t talk to me at all text text text text text not exactly autistic friendly but who gives a [ __ ]

And then I get the council saying they’re not going to call me because you know I email them so well I’ve started calling people

If I get their direct number and hide my number from them then I would rather call people but trying to get in touch with people

I mean I’ve been trying to get through to the nelft power service for three days now no one’s picking the bloody phone up

So I’ve ordered my iceland delivery tomorrow because I need a loaf of bread and some milk and other things

And I’ll just see how the weekend goes

I’m going to go back to my original policy that I had a while ago now and if you can’t be bothered to agree in advance before friday then [ __ ] you i’d rather wait another week to have something to look forward to then be treated like I’ve been treated all my life if I don’t change how I’m treated no one else will

I’m fed up of being this happened when I started work as well it’s not just now it’s been you know I’ve been so desperate for friends

That I would allow myself to be treated like [ __ ] all the time you know people would suddenly rush out of work at like four o’clock I was going over the pub do you want to come there’s no sort of like oh well been planning this for four days we’ll let you know oh there’s none of that in my life I am the oh we might as well invite him as well person

I’m not putting up with this [ _ ] anymore if you don’t want to talk to me then [ _ ] off that’s my policy i’d rather just stay here with my cats and have food delivered

So be it if this is what my existence is going to end like then so be it

I really cannot put up with being treated like this constantly by everyone

And that’s Tabs

So where are we gonna go boys and girls from here

I mean october was a bad month for me I lost five people in october

Mostly because they didn’t like my honesty

Couldn’t give a [ __ ]

And some were because I was too honest about how I felt

That I am concerned about because I’m not given a chance again like I was sacked without a chance to explain why I was being sacked that’s what put me over the edge four years ago four and a half years ago

But no one gives a [ __ ]

So quite honestly people if you don’t give a [ _ ] I don’t give a [ _ ] if you want to treat me

Like something to do when you’ve got a spare moment

No I don’t know goodbye

If you want to treat me like

The person you can get help from but you won’t really communicate with me at any other time no no

If you want to be there for me and listen to me and speak to me and plan ahead with me then I’ll consider it because quite frankly the mood I mean at the moment people

I really can’t be bothered with people

I have literally had this feeling and this treatment from others around me since I can remember from at least the age of seven

Ask my sister why she won’t speak to me anymore because she can’t give me the time ask my other sister why she hides her address from me and hasn’t spoken to me since the last funeral we attended because she’s a total [ __ ]

Ask the friends that blocked me and stopped talking to me in october why they did that because they’re arseholes as well

On a couple of occasions, I said I wasn’t in the mood for talking someone and they blocked me

Didn’t say them I said I wasn’t in mood for talking to anyone mental health in this country and especially by the people around me with one exception

How Mary in Dagenham she knows the [ __ ] that I go through

Mental health is totally disregarded you are either part of the crowd or you’re not part of the crowd if there’s anything strange or unusual that makes you stand out

Then you are ignored chastised or berated and treated to second-class citizenship

I am trying to be as strong as I possibly can but people are not making it easy on me

So from this point on I’m not going to make it easy for people

Don’t expect to get through first time don’t expect an immediate answer to any messages don’t expect anything from me

Because I will talk to you and communicate with you on the same level that you communicate with me

If you don’t answer my message straight away I won’t answer yours straight away if you read my messages without responding to them for hours or days then the same will happen

If you want to leave things the last moment and suddenly beside oh let’s do this let’s do that the answer will probably be no because I’ve got autism and as part of that I like to plan ahead I don’t mind a bit of spontaneity but it would be nice to have a plan

Anyway I think I’m repeating myself after 15 minutes I think I’ve been repeating myself for the last 54 and a half [ _ ] years I might as well talk to my cats or the walls because no one else is [ _ ] listening I’m sorry about the language but you people make me angry you people do not appreciate me

So what am I going to do

That’s up to you really how you treat me is how I will treat you from now on you want to treat me like I’ve described in this video so be it but don’t get upset with me if I treat you the same.

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